Do You Hear Me?

O.K. So I've left you hanging for a long while. I can't guarantee I won't do it again. I felt moved to post for anyone out there who may still check in once in a while. I have a story to share with you, and it is a story of faith. It is a long story, so get a soda, go to the bathroom, do whatever you need to do before you settle in to read the rest of this post.

It begins my senior year of high school. I had a religious ed teacher I absolutely loved. She was new to the school that year, and I have no clue where they found her. All of us students were certain she was beyond rich. If I remember correctly, I think she really was married to a brain surgeon, or maybe it was a rocket scientist. Either way, she had money, and it wasn't from her teachers salary. I am not exaggerating when I say she honestly NEVER wore the same outfit twice that entire school year. She was the nicest, sweetest, most down to earth, caring, compassionate, rich person I ever met. Although I don't think I have ever actually met anyone else who has as much money as I believe she did. She also had a very strong faith in God, and even more so in the Virgin Mary. She told us many stories of visions people had of the image of Mary shedding real tears in all kinds of different places. I can't remember the specifics of any of them, but I remember thinking at the time that some of these stories were pretty far fetched and unbelievable. But she obviously adored the Virgin Mary, and somehow, somewhere, something must have rubbed off on me. I remember she taught us a prayer called The Memorare. I don't know why this prayer always stuck with me, but it did. I have never forgotten it.

Many years later, many of us were gathered at the hospital waiting for a miracle to bring Brittney back to us. The doctors had given us one last glimmer of hope after many days and nights of nothing. As we all stood there, I asked everyone to join me in saying The Memorare. (At least that is how I remember it happening. If someone else initiated it, I apologize. A lot of details from that time have blurred into each other.) Anyway, as we all gathered in prayer, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of strength and faith. But The Lord works in mysterious ways, and he called Brittney back to him. I was hurt, angry, disappointed, and felt betrayed. I don't want to get into all of that too much, because it took me to a sad, dark, lonely place that I never want to visit again.

Shortly after all of this, there was a new pastor assigned to our church. Something wasn't right about him. He didn't seem as compassionate and understanding as a priest should be. He would hurt peoples feelings, and their faith, and it didn't seem to bother him. Again, I felt betrayed by the Church and the God I was taught to believe in. I drifted away from the church. I pretty much stopped attending all together. I wasn't sure what I believed in anymore.

Even after all of this, I still managed to hold onto something. Whenever I found myself going through a difficult time, or facing a difficult decision, I prayed The Memorare. I asked Mary for guidance, strength, patience, compassion. Reflecting on it now, I guess it made sense. Mary made the ultimate sacrifice in giving her Son to God. I guess I felt a bond with her, and she was something I could still have faith in.

After many years of absence from the church, I have tried to get back for the sake of my children. Regardless of what I do or do not believe, I always felt it was important for my children to have a faith to believe in. I tried to go to church on Christmas, Easter, and the occasional Sunday in between. I tried to teach my children that it was important to love and have faith in God. Yet, I still did not really feel it myself.

But slowly, things have started to change. Our church again has a new pastor. I was there the first Sunday he said mass. I wanted to be there to see what kind of priest we got this time. As he said mass, he seemed sincere in his faith and in his words. He was warm, funny, and passionate about his beliefs in God. But when he requested that the church join him in honoring the Virgin Mary by praying the Memorare, it brought tears to my eyes, and I thought of how many times I used this prayer to ask for help. I felt a sense of belonging that I hadn't felt in a long time. Our new pastor invites us to pray The Memorare at every mass now. Though I haven't made it to mass every week, I am making an effort to go more often.

Tonight I joined a few others to pray the rosary for a young woman my age who is struggling with her fight against breast cancer. She has been in my thoughts and prayers often these days and so has the rest of her family. I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for all of them. After we finished praying the rosary, the Brother who led us in prayer said he wanted to say a special prayer for Jena. And so he began The Memorare. Again, I could feel the tears fill my eyes as he said this prayer that has become so dear to me over the years.

As I drove home, I realized that this one prayer has been my one true link to God over the years. It seemed odd to me that it is suddenly popping up everywhere I turn. And then it occurred to me that perhaps this prayer that I used for so many years to call for help was now being used to call me back to my faith. I felt a sudden awaken and awareness. It was like one of those "Ah ha!" moments you hear about but never experience. I felt like God was asking me "Do you hear Me?" and I had to answer Him, "Yes, I hear You. I get it. "

I would like to end my post there, but I feel compelled to ask anyone who is reading this to keep Jena and her family in your prayers. If you would like to pray The Memorare for her, the words are listed below.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.